The pacing on this is awesome, great suspense - suspense is very hard to write and I think you did a stellar job on this. Absolutely terrifying, loved it!
This one doesn’t mess around. The voice pulls you in with sarcasm and grit, then drops you into something primal. The white things stay just out of focus, which makes them worse. That final scene: pure dread, no escape. It sticks.
The idea of someone being physically incapacitated while dealing with something like the White Things is horrifying. The last few paragraphs had me holding my breath.
Nicely done. Your prose has a bit of a lyric cadence, and your ability to develop characterization on such a minimal level is impressive. But John Denver as ancient? I guess I’ll go sit I’m my rocker on the porch now.
The John Denver thing was a paraphrase of something my Gen Z niece said. Since I was embodying someone much younger than you and me, I felt it was an authentic statement to make.
Saw this on the feed when it came out and swore I'd come back around to it, I'm so glad that I did! I grew up obsessed with cryptozoology, and I always thought that the White Things deserved more attention than they received compared to the other mysterious entities of West Virginia. So many powerful elements in this story, from the dialogue between the leads, to the chilling experiences of the narrator in her final moments-not to mention sly bits of humor toward the beginning, a prime example being the reference to Tomb Raider's 'physics defying anatomy'. I hope you do more like this before the spooky season ends!
That's my secret Braeden. For me the spooky season never ends. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. My story whispers in the dark is also West Virginia based horror, although the references are less overt. 😁
The pacing on this is awesome, great suspense - suspense is very hard to write and I think you did a stellar job on this. Absolutely terrifying, loved it!
This one doesn’t mess around. The voice pulls you in with sarcasm and grit, then drops you into something primal. The white things stay just out of focus, which makes them worse. That final scene: pure dread, no escape. It sticks.
Nicely done.
Thanks Gary, that means a lot to me.
The idea of someone being physically incapacitated while dealing with something like the White Things is horrifying. The last few paragraphs had me holding my breath.
Nicely done. Your prose has a bit of a lyric cadence, and your ability to develop characterization on such a minimal level is impressive. But John Denver as ancient? I guess I’ll go sit I’m my rocker on the porch now.
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
The John Denver thing was a paraphrase of something my Gen Z niece said. Since I was embodying someone much younger than you and me, I felt it was an authentic statement to make.
Very cool.
Excellent read! The scene setting and change of pace to ramp up to that final scene was fantastically nerve wracking.
Saw this on the feed when it came out and swore I'd come back around to it, I'm so glad that I did! I grew up obsessed with cryptozoology, and I always thought that the White Things deserved more attention than they received compared to the other mysterious entities of West Virginia. So many powerful elements in this story, from the dialogue between the leads, to the chilling experiences of the narrator in her final moments-not to mention sly bits of humor toward the beginning, a prime example being the reference to Tomb Raider's 'physics defying anatomy'. I hope you do more like this before the spooky season ends!
That's my secret Braeden. For me the spooky season never ends. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. My story whispers in the dark is also West Virginia based horror, although the references are less overt. 😁
The story is called Whispering Shadows. I should probably know that. 😅
Incredible description of wild nature, terrifying ending.
So good!!
I need a hug!!! 😭😭😭
Wow.
Excellent nightmare fuel!